Mirror, Mirror on the Soul

But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, “God, be merciful to me, a sinner!”

Luke 18:13 (ESV)

Self-awareness. It is one of the most personally challenging skills to develop. Wait a minute. I don’t necessarily know if it is a skill or a character trait or a virtue or something else altogether.

"Oh gosh, have I been talking too much again?"

In The Harvard Business Review, Tasha Eurich defines self-awareness as “how clearly we see our own values, passions, aspirations, reactions (including thoughts, feelings, behaviors, strengths, and weaknesses), and impact on others.”[1] A highly self-aware person sees themselves as they truly are.

If you are flying high . . . great job, family, living the “American Dream,” then you can easily fall victim to seeing your strengths as stronger than they are, your thoughts as always right, your behaviors as always appropriate, etc.

The flip side is also true. I consistently see it when serving in M2540 (a homeless ministry I serve in) as I talk to men and women who have been chronically homeless for years and years. They nearly always see their weakness as weaker than they are, their strengths as non-existent, their thoughts as irrelevant, their intellect as substandard, etc. They’re always looking down—and I’m talking physically, not metaphorically.

However, there is a small bucket of people who see themselves accurately. Ms. Eurich explains, “Even though most people believe they are self-aware, only 10% - 15% of the people we studied actually fit the criteria.”[2] 

Luke 18:9-14 is a parable about a “religious” leader who is woefully unaware of his true nature. In one of the foulest prayers I’ve ever heard, He points at the tax collector and says, “Lord, at least I’m not like that guy over there. I’m so thankful that you didn’t make like him or his sinful friends” (Luke 18:11). He has the chutzpah[3] to continue, like he’s doing God a favor by “fasting and tithing” (Luke 18:12). The most shameful thing about his prayer is that it is genuine. It’s authentic. It is not disingenuous. His prayer is, in fact, an honest reflection of his heart and mind.

While he’s spouting off about being Mr. Wonderful, the hated tax collector is across the way, in stark contrast, staring at the dirt on the ground and beating his chest. “What’s up with the chest-beating?” you ask. Funny you should ask. In Judaism, beating your chest with your fist is a sign of extreme grief and mourning. In fact, on the holiday of Tisha B’av, Jews all over the world fast and beat their chests. Tisha B’av is a holiday that commemorates the destruction of the first and second temples in Jerusalem and is considered the saddest day of the Jewish year.

So, the tax collector grieves and wails over his wretchedness. He is overwhelmed with conviction over his sin and repents. Rather than looking up to the heavens, which was the normal posture for a Jew in prayer, he looks down in unworthiness and cries out, “God, be merciful to me, a sinner!”

The humility and sincerity so vivid in this man’s prayer, posture, and actions make my heart ache for him. He is genuinely tormented by his condition and turns to the only One who can deliver him from his misery.

And deliver him, He does. Jesus tells us in Verse 14 of this parable that the despised tax collector is the one who goes home for dinner saved, rather than the Pharisee. Amazingly, he was saved, or justified, WITHOUT making the prescribed sacrifice. That little tidbit of information would have caused an uproar among the religious leaders who were listening to Jesus teach. You can almost hear the murmuring, “God displaying mercy, absent the slaying of an animal—may it never be.”

Jesus finishes them off with, "For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted" (Luke 18:14b).

Please hear this loud and clear: God treasures humility and repentance in His people, and He disdains self-righteousness and pride. True humility falls on its face in dependence on God’s grace and mercy. Recognizing we cannot earn our own righteousness through “good” deeds should always lead to our reliance on the One who hears us when we cry out to Him.

In this parable, Jesus teaches us that true righteousness is not a trophy doled out for “religious” achievements. It is about a softened heart—about humility and repentance.

David writes in Psalm 51:16–17 (NLT)

You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one. You do not want a burnt offering. The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.

Lord, forgive me for the times when I struggled with self-righteousness and a lack of humility. Forgive me for the times that I have looked down on people. Father God, I ask You never to stop softening my heart. Cultivate in me a humble spirit. Keep me forever aware of my need for Your mercy and grace, and help me always to extend that same grace to the people around me. In the heart-softening name of Jesus, Amen.

[1] https://hbr.org/2018/01/what-self-awareness-really-is-and-how-to-cultivate-it

[2] ibid

[3] Chutzpah is a Yiddish word that means, gall, rudeness, nerve, and audacity all wrapped into one big ball of #unselfeawareness.